That's when you crack a 10am beer
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
