some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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