i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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