Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
