at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Hippo gnu deer
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
