She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
