I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
