I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
