Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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