So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
