Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
