we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
