fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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