theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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