hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
