I looked at my own cervix.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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