stop calling my apartment porn island.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
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Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
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2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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