Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
