fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
drinking out of a sandbucket again
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
