i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
