Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
