I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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