Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
