Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Congratulations! We have a period
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
