some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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