Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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