my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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