I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
