i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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