My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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