I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
