Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
