i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
