Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
