a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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