I have demons in me.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
