I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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