The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
