bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
