There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My underwear smells like fireworks.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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