Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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