If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
