Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
