yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
