It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
