I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
