Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
