This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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