Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
