I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
