He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
