does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
