Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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