she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Randomize
