very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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