her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
why didn't you poke me back
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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