dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
