My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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