She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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