By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
