I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
