Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
FUCK WHALES
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
