i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
