ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
