I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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