i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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