I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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