Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
