sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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