Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
