i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
