please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
