I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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