Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
