i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
