Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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