Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Randomize
