He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
